I'm Not Okay
by RinaCAT12
Summary: Rated T to be safe. Kaoru hates him self for the accident and blames him self for every thing. Now he has to face life on his own along with knife wedged in his heart
1. Chapter 1

**Hi ouran/twin fans please pay attention that this is my first FF so be nice if its crap (which I've bean told it's not) and R&R**

"it's all my fault" I sighed crying into the duvet,

And the bed is far too big for just me,

"why does he have to be so god damn protective"

Flash back

I slid down the wall,

Tears streaming out my eyes,

Shooting pains stabbing all over me,

My blood rapidly dripping down my face.

It wasn't long before hikaru came running to my side,

His face anxious and worried,

The host club weren't far behind,

Kyoya and Tamaki tried to help me up.

Hikaru saw who did this to me and he was running for revenge.

I couldn't see what was happening but I could hear Haruhi, Hunny and amazingly Mori

All shouting after him,

Hikaru looked back .

He had to be in the worst place possible to stop,

Right in the middle of the road.

Haruhi Hunny and Mori had tried to warn him about the car that was coming his way but by then it was to late.

End of flash back

I wanted to sleep so bad but I couldn't '

I haven't bean separated from hikaru in 16 years.

And the worst part is its all my fault because I can't stand up for myself'

Because I'm just a useless piece of shit.

I wish I could just drop down dead right now.

Hikaru's gone now I'm nobody .

Shit.

I really am better of dead now


	2. Chapter 2

**SO THE SECOND CHAPTER HAS FINALLY ARIVED. SO WHAT IF IT TOOK FOREVER. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.**

**Depression was eating at my shattered heart. The last thing I wanted to do was go to school, I didn't want to put up with people asking me where he was and saying they understand because they don't, no one understands how I feel. That's why I've been stuck here. It's been three weeks now, three weeks since my life was destroyed, three weeks since I lost him. I didn't want to carry on with life and many times I had tried to join him, I really had but every time someone stopped me.**

**The funeral was supposed to be in a few days and I knew it was tradition to have him cremated but I would be able to stand watching him burn then throwing the remains of him willy-nilly over a field or something , no way and I know he wouldn't like that idea too.**

**All I wanted to do for the rest of my life was lie in bed with all my memories, I still had Hikaru scented bed sheets and the mark where he drooled on the pillow case, I still had all the photos of him and me but most of all I had him inside of me keeping me almost sane. Unfortunately for me some people had other plans just as I was starting to feel the tiniest bit better it all shattered, Tamaki swung my bed room door open . I knew exactly what rubbish he was going to say, the same as everyone else so I blanked his as he started saying**

"**I know you miss hikaru, we all do but it wasn't your fault so don't even think of blaming yourself. I know your upset about hikaru but you can't spend your life lying in bed you have to start living your life again. For hikaru" I was surprised by the last part and it started to make me angry. "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOOSE SOME ONE THAT CLOSE TO YOU" I yelled un expectantly as Tamaki turned emo on me. I immediately felt bad. "Look sorry, just feeling really bad about it cause it's my fault." Tamaki looked at me with his deadly cute puppy eyes, I knew he was just trying to make me feel bad but I hate it when he does that. "UGH I said I was sorry, what do you want from me" "you" he replied looking and sounding like the shadow king in the morning, I felt confused "I want you to stop acting all depressed, I know you are and we're all really worried about you just come out with us for the day or something or you'll find that there are millions of fan girls ready to hug you and tear you limb from limb" "okay" I whispered scared "but only because that was the scariest thing you've said to me tono" "sorry about that but I needed some way to get the message across to you. Right meet us at kyoya's family water park at noon prompt or those fan girls will get their wish" I shivered as he said that.**

**As Tamaki left me room I realised that he did know exactly how I felt he had close family on the other side of the world that he is not allowed to contact in any way, he has no idea what could be happening to his mother yet he keeps so positive, I suppose in a way it is the same as what I'm going through.**


End file.
